


Everything's Fine

by idwir



Category: Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV)
Genre: F/M, Unplanned Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-23
Updated: 2018-04-24
Packaged: 2019-03-08 09:41:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,988
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13455582
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/idwir/pseuds/idwir
Summary: “Everything’s fine. I’m talking to you.”“I love you, Amy.”Jake’s last words played over and over in her head. It was all she could hear. As Gina wrapped up the tearful eulogy and Karen Peralta wept where she sat next to Amy and Boyle pulled at his white locks, all she could hear was Jake’s voice.She felt arms around her but they weren’t the arms she wanted holding her.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> JAKE IS DEAD. HE ONLY APPEARS IN FLASHBACKS.

_“Everything’s fine. I’m talking to you.”  
_

_“I love you, Amy.”_

Jake’s last words played over and over in her head. It was all she could hear. As Gina wrapped up the tearful eulogy and Karen Peralta wept where she sat next to Amy and Boyle pulled at his white locks, all she could hear was Jake’s voice.

She felt arms around her but they weren’t the arms she wanted holding her.

“C’mon, Amy,” Gina said quietly and helped her to her feet. She held Amy’s hand and led her down the aisle behind Captain Holt, Sargent Jeffords, Boyle, Scully and Hitchcock and the casket carrying the most important person in her life.

She felt Karen slip a hand into hers.

Gina’s mom and Jake’s dad both had a hand on Karen and it made Amy feel better about not doing much to comfort her. People around her who had barely known Jake were openly crying but Amy just felt numb.

She needed to feel numb for a while. She had cried all her tears when she first found out.

The last week and all of the day felt like a blur and Amy was exhausted. It was tiring pretending she still had her shit together and was coping well in front of everybody. The truth was she couldn’t sleep and she couldn’t eat. She felt sick all the time.

She stood between Gina and Karen and watched the men lower Jake’s casket over the six foot hole in the ground. Words were said and people cried but still all Amy heard was, “Everything’s fine.”

_Amy opened her door. It was 3:41 in the morning but she didn’t even think to check through the peephole to see who was there._

_“Captain?”  
_

_Captain Holt was still in uniform despite the late hour. “Santiago,” he said. Paused. “Amy, sorry to wake you especially when I know you’ve been ill today.”_

_“I was up,” Amy said, a million thoughts racing through her head. “Amy? What’s going on? Why - it’s almost four in the morning - it’s Jake.” Why else would the captain be at her apartment at the weird hour unless it was for the same reason Amy was up?  
_

_Holt’s face usually betrayed nothing but he was stiffer than usual and Amy thought his lip quivered._

_“May I come in?”  
_

_“Captain?” Amy said, feeling dizzy. “What’s going on?”  
_

_“Let’s sit, Amy.” He gestured past her.  
_

_Amy shook her head. “No. Tell me - stop calling me Amy. Is he hurt?”_

_She stepped forward and Holt grabbed her forearm. “Santiago.”_

_“He said everything was fine!” Amy shouted but was breathless. She clutched at his uniform._

_“He’s dead, Santiago.”  
_

_Amy felt herself collapse against her mentor. “No,” she cried. “He said - he said everything’s fine! I talked to him the other -”_

_Holt held her up. “Amy -”_

_“No!” She slipped through his arms to the floor. “He said everything’s fine!”_

Amy tried to remember her manners but it was too difficult. She was tired of having to assure everyone she was fine and having to ask how they were doing. She wasn’t fine and she didn’t care how they were doing.

She stared vacantly at Jake’s coffin as everyone else started heading to their cars to go to Jake’s mother’s house. She noticed some men in uniform watching from afar, waiting for the friends and family of the deceased to leave so they could do their job and bury another body.

“Amy -” Gina said and suddenly Amy was sobbing.

Gina pulled her close and Amy couldn’t take it any longer. She sank to the ground and Gina went down with her.

“I’m pregnant.”

“What?”

Amy clutched Gina’s hand and nodded. “I don’t know what I’m going to do.”

_Her alarm went off and she tried to ignore it. She had ended her night with Jake telling her, “I love you, Amy.” She didn’t want to wake up and face another day without him. It made her feel sick - literally - every morning she woke up and realized he was still wrongly imprisoned._

_Most mornings sadness washed over her and her stomach turned. She allowed herself one minute to indulge in self-pity and anger before showering and heading to work. This morning though, her stomach more than turned and she had to quickly untangle herself from her blankets and fifty million pillows to stumble to the bathroom._

_As she kneeled in front of the toilet, shivering and retching, she realized._

_The missed periods and sickness could be symptoms of more than just stress._

“I’m here for you,” Gina said and she didn’t need to say it’s what Jake would’ve wanted. Gina hugged Amy from behind, rubbing her arms and resting her chin on her head.

“Hey.”

Amy kept her eyes closed and didn’t try to stop crying. She knew it was no use. She felt someone settle next to her on her right, then on her left.

“Sharon’s riding with Holt and Kevin to Karen’s so you can take your time,” Terry said softly.

“Thanks, Sarge,” Charles sniffled on Amy’s left.

Gina groaned but said nothing.

They sat in silence for awhile, nothing but the sound of crying came from any of them. Gina sat behind Amy, letting her lean back against her when she tired herself out.

“Amy, come here,” Terry whispered an indeterminate time later.

Her head felt stuffy and her eyes felt swollen so she ignored him. She heard whispering but she was so tired.


	2. Chapter 2

Amy pulled the arm tighter around her. Her head hurt and she wanted to stay in bed. “Jake,” she croaked. “I had the worst dream.”

She turned over and opened her eyes, then sat up. Her heart hurt and she willed herself not to cry.

“Amy,” Gina said, sitting up. “Hey, you fell asleep. Terry carried you up.”  


Amy looked down at what she was wearing, frowning.

“I helped you change,” Gina explained. “We didn’t want you to wake up alone.”  


“I’m fine,” Amy said, even as a tear slipped down her cheek. She hugged her knees to her chest. “I just want to be alone.”  


“Not gonna happen. Your parents will be here in a few hours. Charles is picking them up from the airport.”  


Amy lay down and said, “I want to be alone.” Her breath caught and she felt her throat constricting.

“I’ll make you breakfast,” Gina said. “What would you like?”  


“I’m not hungry.” She turned her back to Gina and curled into a ball.  


Gina sighed. “Amy. You need to eat. You’re pregnant.”

Amy’s cheeks felt hot remembering her moment of vulnerability the day before. “I shouldn’t have told you. Just leave me alone! Please!”

She breathed a sigh of relief when Gina left the room but had to choke back a sob. She buried her face in her pillow.

Gina came back twenty minutes later and left a plate on Amy’s nightstand. “Eat it, Amy.” When Amy didn’t move, Gina said, “You’re pregnant, Amy. With Jake’s baby. It needs nutrients to survive. You need nutrients to survive.”

She paused, then said, “It needs you to survive.”

* * *

“Amy,” Gina said, exasperatedly. She stared at the uneaten food and opened her mouth to try and convince Amy to eat but someone knocked on the door.  


Gina took the plate with her and Amy waited to hear who was there. A tiny part of her hoped it was Jake - _no, that’s stupid Amy_.

“Karen, what are you doing here?” Gina asked.  


“Charles texted me,” Karen said. “Amy’s parents might not get here until tomorrow. Their flight’s been delayed.”  


Gina sighed. “He should’ve texted me. You didn’t need to come all the way here -”

“You need to get home to your baby and I don’t mind staying with Amy.”  


Amy covered her ears. They were talking about her like she wasn’t right in the next room, like she needed babysitting.

She needed to be left alone. She didn’t need Jake’s mom to see her like this. She forced herself out of bed and into the bathroom. Nausea and an empty stomach had her dry heaving over the toilet.

Once she could stop gagging long enough, she turned on the shower and hopped inside.

She blow dried her hair and put on concealer before getting dressed. Her instincts told her to put on her normal clothes but in the end she pulled on one of Jake’s shirts.

“Karen, hi!” Amy said. “What are you doing here?”  


Jake’s mother looked like she’d aged five years in the past week. She looked tired and sad. She embraced Amy and said, “I thought I’d come see how you were holding up.”

“Me?” Amy feigned shock and willed her eyes to stop watering. “I was going to come see you later today.”  


“Sargent Jeffords said you were exhausted and fell asleep yesterday.” Karen led Amy over to the couch.  


Amy tucked her hair behind her ears and said, “I’m sorry - I totally didn’t mean to. I told Gina she should’ve woken me up -”

“Amy, it’s okay,” Karen said. “If it wasn’t at my house I wouldn’t of come either. You don’t have to pretend. It’s just me here. Tell me what’s going on. How are you really holding up?”  


Her whole body sagged and she leaned into Jake’s mom slightly. “I - uh - don’t know.”

“Yes, you do. It’s good to talk about it. Cry. All I’ve done is talk and cry. I reckon Roger is sick of hearing me talk.” Karen forced a small laugh and sniffled.

“No, I’m sure it’s a comfort to him to have you,” Amy said.  


“I hope to be that to you, too,” Karen said, patting her hand. “Now and after the baby is born.”  


Amy froze. “What? Y-you -”

“I know,” Karen acknowledged.  


“Did Gina tell you?”Amy demanded.  


Karen laughed. “Regina? No, she didn’t. She didn’t have to tell me. Amy, you’ve been sick and tired.”

“I've been really stressed the past couple of months with J-Jake in prison and trying to free him and ... and ...”  


“The week Roger left me, I must have drank a bottle a day,” Karen said. “When you came to see us last week, you didn’t have a single sip even when we offered. I also heard you throwing up.”  


“God,” Amy breathed. “I’ve wanted to get shit-faced all week.” Her eyes widened and she covered her mouth, but Karen just laughed.  


She pulled Amy into a one-armed side hug and said, “Me, too. Have you taken a pregnancy test?”

_Amy called her captain._

_“Santiago.”  
_

_“Hi, Captain, it’s me,” Amy said, wincing.  
_

_“Yes, I know. That’s why I answered with your name,” Holt said.  
_

_Amy covered her face even though no one could see her. “I’ve caught a stomach bug. I’m not going to come in today ... unless you want me to.”_

_“No, feel better.”_

_She hung up and grabbed her jacket._

_The two minutes she had to wait were the longest two minutes of her life. She stared up at the the ceiling until her phone dinged._

_Hands shaking, she reached to turn off her timer. Then she grabbed the stick next to it. She tasted blood as she bit her lip too hard._

_She steeled herself for the result. She didn’t know what she was hoping for but her whole body was tense._

_Amy looked down._

_Two lines._

“Amy, we’re so sorry we were delayed!” Amy’s mother said, embracing her.  


Amy felt her walls start to come down as she fell into her mother’s arms. She bit the inside of her cheek to stop from crying but it was no use. A couple of tears slipped down her cheeks.

“Poor darling,” Camila cooed.  


Amy squeezed tighter and said, “I’m sorry I didn’t come to grandma’s funeral.”

Her father wrapped his arms around both his girls. “Ah, you didn’t miss much.”

Amy finally stepped away from her parents and cleared her throat. “This is Karen Peralta. Jake’s mom.”

Karen smiled kindly and said, “Sorry for your loss. It’s a pleasure to meet you.”

Camila immediately rushed to Karen and hugged her. “I’m so sorry for your loss. I can’t imagine how hard it’s been for you.”

“It’s a terrible thing. Still here when your child isn’t.” A sudden hiccup escaped past Karen’s lips and she tried to clear her throat.  


They didn’t say his name. They didn’t say “dead.” Still, the tiny pieces of Amy’s heart broke into a million more and the dull pain that had been throbbing in her chest was replaced by the all too familiar sharp stabbing sensation and she couldn’t stop the sobs spilling from her throat.

Amy wrapped one arm over her stomach and covered her mouth with the other. Victor, Camila and Karen rushed over as she sank to the ground.

“I-I-I can’t -” she sobbed and wondered when it would stop.  


* * *

Amy was forced to take another week off of work and her parents stayed throughout the duration. She gave up trying to pretend she was okay after completely falling apart as soon as they arrived and spent most days in bed.

She couldn’t tell if it was the grief that kept her there or the overwhelming nausea she tried to hide from her parents. All she wanted to do was sleep but she couldn’t. Her mother tried talking to her about Jake but Amy refused. Talking about it only made her heart hurt more.

After a week she insisted her parents get back to their lives one state over, promising to call if she needed them.

As they walked through her door, her mom stopped and put a hand to Amy’s cheek. “I should stay. You’re too thin, baby.”

“I’ll call you,” Amy whispered, closing her eyes and leaning in to her mother’s touch. “Promise.”  


“Amy has to get ready for work. Come, Camila.” Her dad took her mom’s hand and led her down the hall, shushing her as she started to protest that decision as well.  


Amy quickly shut the door and locked it.

She ran down the hall and into the bathroom, leaning over the sink as her stomach heaved. Her eyes watered and her mouth stung and she allowed herself to imagine Jake holding her hair back.


	3. Chapter 3

“Amy!” Gina called a little too cheerfully.  


“Hi, Amy,” Terry said.  


Amy tried to smile but it was no use. She had been determined to come back to work and act like nothing had happened but her morning sickness had made her more than an hour late.

“This sight isn’t right,” Charles simpered, clearly holding back tears.  


She felt lightheaded as she stared at the desk across from hers. It was completely cleared of Jake’s things - had been since he and Rosa went to prison. Her stomach turned at the sight.

“Detective Santiago,” Captain Holt emerged from his office.  


Amy averted her eyes and responded, “Captain.”

“May I see you in my office?” He stepped aside and held a hand out.  


“Yes, Sir.”  


She took the seat in front of his desk, trying to steady her breathing. “Sorry I’m late,” she said.

“It’s your first day back but if you’re not feeling up to it, just let me know,” he said. “There’s no pressure for you to be at one hundred percent right away.”  


“I’m fine.” Amy snapped. She winced at her tone. “Sir.”  


Holt studied her face, lips pursed. “Okay. Detective Diaz needs a Second.”

“Of course!” Amy stood up too quickly and instantly regretted it. She grabbed the edge of Holt’s desk.

“Amy?” Holt stood and leaned forward.  


“Don’t call me that!” she said too harshly. She swallowed hard. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to - I just stood up too fast and got dizzy for a second. I’m totally fine. I’m just gonna -” She pointed out the door and said, “Go.”  


She hurried out the door, trying to look normal as she headed for the restroom. She hadn’t eaten anything since the pozole her mom made for dinner the night before but she couldn’t stop puking.

The restroom door opened and she heard Gina make a noise of disgust. She took her time, waiting for her stomach to stop lurching before flushing and getting up to walk past Gina and Rosa.

“Santiago,” Rosa said. “Are you sick?”  


“No!” Amy cried. She rinsed her mouth out and turned to look at them. Her mind was racing and she stuttered out, “I mean, yes! I-I just, uh, I’ve had two weeks off; I’m going crazy. I need to be back and -”  


Her voice cracked and Rosa’s gaze softened. “No, I get it. C’mon, Holt said you’re my Second.”

Amy took the stick of gum Gina offered while simultaneously ignoring the pointed look she was giving.

* * *

“I’m so sorry,” Amy whimpered.  


Rosa held her hair back and said, “I know you want to be back at work already, but it seems like this stomach bug is kicking your ass. I really need a Second I can rely on for this case. Tell Holt you want to be on desk duty for a few days.”

“I don’t want to -” Amy cut herself off with a gag. “Oh, God.”  


Rosa rubbed her back as she retched violently.

Amy spit and breathed shallowly. She heard footsteps approach, then a voice said, “Diaz. First timer?”

Amy slowly drew her head up to glare at the detective. He looked taken aback then lowered his voice. “Amy, hey, I didn’t know you were back.”

She said nothing and he muttered something about having to check the gutter. Rosa gave her a hand up and immediately had to steady her with a hand on her waist.

“Sorry, Amy,” she said. “Go wait in the car.”

_“Why’d you make me wait in the car?” Amy demanded.  
_

_“Because,” Jake said and put a box in her hands. “There were a ton of dogs.”  
_

_Jake kissed her but she kept her eyes open. “Dogs? You went into an athletic clothing store.”_

_She opened the box. “Jake!”_

_“Isn’t he so cute?”  
_

_“We can’t take care of a living thing!”  
_

_Amy shoved the box into his hands and the idiotic smile disappeared from his face. “Amy ...”_

_“Return it!” She crossed her arms over her chest.  
_

_“But he loves you.” Jake pulled the small turtle from the box and wiggled it in front of her face. “Mama! Don’t abandon me!”  
_

_“Jake ...”  
_

_He sighed and said, “But I’ll be very good! I promise! Mama! Mama!”_

_“You can be its dad but I am not going to be its mother,” Amy said. “If you forget to feed it one time - ONE TIME - I’m giving it to Nikolaj.”  
_

_“Yes! We love you!”_   


Amy stared until her vision went blurry.

“Jake’s things are in the evidence room.” She startled and Terry held his hands up. “You should take them home.”  


She swallowed. She nodded. “Thanks, Terry.”

“I can come over and hang out for a little if you don’t want to be alone,” he offered.  


Amy clapped a hand over her mouth. She leaned over the side of her desk and vomited into the waste bin.

“Ugh!”  


“Gross!”  


“I’m trying to eat here!” Scully grumbled before taking another bite from his moldy pizza.  


Holt came out of his office. “Santiago, go home.”

“I’m fine!”  


“I’ll take her,” Rosa offered.  


“I drove here,” Amy said.  


Gina sighed. “Let her take you.”

“The last thing we need is for you to get into an accident,” Terry added. “I’ll bring you some soup tonight.”  


Amy’s stomach gurgled and she leaned over the bin again. “It’s just the stomach flu, guys. I’m not freaking dying.”

_“Ah! I think I’m dying! Babeee.”  
_

_“You’re not dying, Jake.”_   


_“You don’t know that! What are you? A doctor now?”  
_

_Amy sighed, turning off the stove and ladling soup into a bowl. “No. Just a college graduate.”_

_She moved the bowl onto a tray with a glass of orange juice. She walked from the kitchen to the living room, careful not to spill the soup._

_“Ames -”  
_

_“Shh.” She placed the tray on the table and lifted the spoon to her lips to blow.  
_

_She fed it to Jake and waited._

_“Bleh!”  
_

_“Oh, c’mon!” she yelled. “I literally just poured a can of soup into the pot.”  
_

_Jake’s eyes closed. “Will you rub my head?”_

_Amy sighed and said flatly, “Yeah, just let me go puke first. Then I’ll come back to take care of you.”_

* * *

She spent the rest of the day with her cheek resting on the cool porcelain toilet seat. She was starving but the thought of food had her mouth filling with that acidy taste that meant she was going to puke. Again.

She was able to crawl on her hands and knees to the closet and struggled with pulling her extra blankets off of the shelf. The night and the entire next day sucked. Between the hard floor and unceasing nausea she only slept for minutes at a time.

It was dark outside when she heard a knock. She tried to get up but couldn’t manage it.

She heard the door unlock and open.

“Amy?”  


She sighed. It was Karen.

When she pushed the bathroom door open, light flooded in from the bedroom. “Oh, honey.” Karen crouched down in front of Amy and tucked her hair behind her ears.

“What are you doing here?” she croaked.  


“Regina called,” Karen explained. “Said you couldn’t stop throwing up yesterday and didn’t go into work today.”  


Amy was too tired to keep her eyes open, let alone keep them open and hold her head up at the same time. She thought she said something but realized her mouth wasn’t moving.

“Let’s get you into bed.”  


“No, I can’t,” she slurred.  


“How about a cool shower?”  


Amy tried to get away from her too hot hand and Karen let her. She rested her face back against the toilet seat. Next thing she knew, Karen was helping her lay back against a pillow.

* * *

“I’m so tired,” Amy cried as her stomach rejected the cup of water Karen insisted she drink.  


“I know,” Karen tried to soothe.  


She left then came back with a plastic bag. She pulled Amy to her feet and let her lean against her. “Let’s go.”

* * *

Amy looked at her doctor sleepily.

“Congratulations, Ms. Santiago,” he said. “Your blood work shows you are indeed pregnant.”

She just stared, trying to fight off sleep for a little longer.

“We just needed to be sure,” he explained. “You’re nearly twelve weeks along which means you should be nearing the end of a flare up. How long have you been having symptoms?”  


“I don’t know,” she said. “I was feeling nauseous and tired but I thought it was just stress. It’s really just been this week I think that it got really bad. I’m tired.”

“Okay,” he said. “We’re going to keep you here overnight and see how you’re feeling in the morning. Should we call the father?”

Amy could barely hear him so she muttered a “mhm” and let unconsciousness take her.

* * *

“Hey, Ames,” Gina said in a normal tone, which for her was quiet.  


“Ugh.” Amy tried to sit up and put a hand to her head. “What time is it?”  


Gina got up and gently pushed Amy back against the pillows. “Just rest for a little, okay? Karen went to get something to eat.”

“Ugh.” Amy sat up again, waving her hands as frantically as her exhausted body could. “Oh, God. No.”  


A bucket was placed in front of her and she clutched at it desperately. Gina pulled her hair back as she vomited. When she finally leaned back, Karen had returned.

She stroked her hair and Amy whimpered. She grabbed Karen’s hand and held it still, her eyes squeezed shut.

“Oh, that makes me want to throw up.”  


Amy gagged and leaned over the bucket Gina was holding again. The next time she looked up, her doctor was there. He flipped her chart open and underlined something.

The three women stared expectantly.

He cleared his throat. “We’d like to keep you here for a few more days.”

“What?” Amy said, then gagged. She held a hand to her chest and said through her teeth, “Just give me some oral Zofran and send me on my way. I was going to come in for a prescription eventually; I just haven’t had time.”  


“I understand, Amy, but -” He sighed. “When’s the last time you ate a meal - ate anything and kept it down?”  


Amy glared, tears gathering in her eyes. “It’s been a few weeks but - I’ve been busy. My boyfriend was wrongly tried and imprisoned and then murdered so I haven’t exactly kept track.”

“Amy -” Gina said but Amy pulled her bucket to her chest and vomited bile.  


Breathing hard, she heard the doctor say, “You need to relax.”

“No,” she cried. “I need - I need to go back to work. I need to live my life.”  


Karen put a hand on her shoulder and said, “Amy, have you seen yourself lately?” Gina dug in her purse and held something out. Karen took it and held it in front of Amy.

It was a mirror.

The fight went out of Amy. She didn’t recognize the person staring back at her. She had dark bags under her eyes, her lips were chapped and her cheeks were gaunt.

“You’re severely at risk of losing this baby,” her doctor said. “If you’re malnourished, think of what it’s doing to the baby. If you won’t stay for yourself, stay for the baby.”

Amy lay back, staring at the ceiling, letting the horrid image of her face sink in.

“Right now we have a PICC line in to give you fluids and Zofran -”  


“Then why do I still feel like throwing up?” Her voice was weak.  


“I think it’s the thought of not working and being all Amy making you want to throw up,” Gina stage whispered.  


Amy wanted to glare but she didn’t have anything left in her. “How long?” she asked, voice hoarse.

“It’s hard to say. It could be anywhere from a few days to a few weeks.”  


She closed her eyes and a tear slid onto her pillow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this chapter wasn't that great but I wanted to post something before my busy week. Thanks for reading and sticking with the story.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just realized I started using Charles instead of Boyle. Sorry for the inconsistencies. And thanks for your patience.

Amy fought to keep the one bite of watermelon she had eaten all day down. She had no energy and Karen wasn’t even there to try to distract her. Her eyes burned as she thought about the conversation she’d had with a nurse earlier.

 _You didn’t mean it,_  she told herself. Then,  _But you still thought it._

“Knock, knock,” Gina whispered, pushing open the door to Amy’s hospital room. Amy sat up straighter when she saw who was behind her.  


“C-Captain,” Amy said.  


“Santiago,” Holt replied. “What is the meaning of all this?”  


Amy’s head was swimming. She tried to pat down her hair, then remembered she wasn’t wearing a bra because it hurt too much and crossed her arms over her chest.

“I wasn’t expecting you.”  


“Spit it out, Amy,” Gina prompted.  


“I called to let you know I wouldn’t be able to come in to work for a little, not so you’d come visit me,” she said.  


Holt walked closer. “What are you doing here?”

Amy’s eyes watered.  _I will not cry in front of my captain. I will not cry in front of my captain._  “I’m pregnant.”

He studied her face and she quickly added, “It’s his. Jake’s.” Her voice cracked. Holt put his hand on hers.

“Are you okay?”  


She wanted to shake her head no but if she did she’d throw up  _and_  be admitting to weakness. “I’m fine. I just haven’t been able to eat without puking so the doctor’s trying to help me out.” To her horror she realized tears were streaming down her cheeks. “I’m fine. Really.”

“Santiago,” Holt said.  


She hiccuped and her stomach heaved. She covered her mouth but it was too late.

She grabbed napkins off of the table and shoved them at Captain Holt before leaning over her bed and wildly grabbing for her bucket. She felt a large hand on her back.

“Calm down, Amy,” Gina said, in front of her.  


“I can’t,” Amy gasped. She gagged. “The nurse - the nurse suggested an abortion and I-I-I - just for a second - not even a second - I considered it!” she sobbed. “How could I even -”  


Gina pushed her hair away from her face. “It’s okay. Amy, it’s okay.”

“It’s not,” she wanted to cry. “Jake’s dead! He’s dead! And I’m pregnant!”  


Instead, she focused on evening her breaths and calming her stomach.

* * *

A few hours later, Amy woke up. She startled when she realized she wasn’t alone.

“Amy’s up,” Hitchcock said. “She looks terrible.”  


He was shushed even though he was right. She was too thin, her hair was a frizzy mess, and she was pale.

“Hey, Amy,” Terry said as if approaching a wounded animal. “Holt told us the news.”  


“This is so exciting!” Charles couldn’t contain himself but before the others could tell him to settle down, his face fell. “Although it is also very sad because -”  


Charles put his fist to his mouth and squeezed his eyes shut. “Because -  _Jake_.”

Gina grabbed his ear and pulled him towards the door. “What did I say?” she hissed.

“Ahh! Ahh! If I can’t contain myself I need to leave,” Boyle answered. He took a deep breath and waved a hand in front of his face. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I just - okay, I’m good.”  


Rosa put her hand over Amy’s and said, “If you or this baby needs anything, I’m here ... We’re all here for you guys.”

The others chimed in their agreement and Amy sniffled, overwhelmed by their love. She put a hand to her chest over her heart.

“Also, a baby that’s half you and half Jake?” Rosa added. “This kid’s gonna be pretty dope.”  


Tears leaked from her eyes. “Sorry, I know I’m usually kind of an emotional person, but I haven’t eaten a solid meal since you guys were sent to prison and everything hurts right now and pregnancy hormones - I’m going to blame all that and you have to pretend to believe me, okay?”

The others agreed and Amy forced a laugh. “Anyway, I’m pretty sure I just saw one of Charles’ hairs turn white.”

Charles squeaked and put his hands on his head while the other laughed and Rosa pretended to find it and pluck it out for him.

“I’ve gotta head out,” Terry said. “It’s my turn to cook dinner to -”  


“No. No.” Gina shook her head and wagged a finger. Amy put a hand over her mouth. She clapped her hands. “Damn, I gave you guys one rule -”  


Charles opened his mouth, looking confused, but Gina pointed at him. “Shut it, Charles. One rule, guys.”

“Sorry, Amy,” Terry apologized. “I’ll come back to visit, okay. Let me know if you need anything.”  


He got up to leave and the others followed suit.

Gina looked at her phone and cursed. “I gotta go, too, but I’ll be back.”

Amy’s heart fell. As crappy as she looked and felt and as much as she thought she didn’t want visitors, it had been pretty nice to have them all here. Now she was going to be alone again.

“Don’t worry about it,” Rosa spoke up. “I’ll stay.”  


“I’m not even gonna pretend to protest,” Gina said. “I’ve been cleaning up way too much P-U-K-E lately.”  


Amy gagged. “I can spell, Gina.”

Gina ignored her. “Between Amy and my baby at home. God. Thank you, Rosa.”

“No biggie. I’ll see you at work tomorrow.”  


With that, Gina left and Rosa settled in the chair next to Amy’s bed.


	5. Chapter 5

Hours later, Amy looked over at Rosa, who was still there keeping her company. “Rosa -”

Rosa sat up quickly, grabbing Amy’s puke bucket and holding it out.

“No, I’m not gonna -” she started to say but it was like her body knew what the bucket was for and she had to accept it. After, she said, “I was going to say you can go home. You don’t have to stay here.”  _I don’t want to be a burden but please don’t go._

“It’s fine,” Rosa said, nonchalantly. “I let Boyle come over so I could dye his hair so I’ve gotta move again.”

Amy breathed a quiet sigh of relief. She wasn’t going to be left alone.

“Besides, Jake would’ve been here.”

Rosa was quiet but Amy still heard her. She knew he would’ve been here but it was still nice to hear out loud.

Amy fiddled with her blanket. “I wish he was here.”

“We all do,” Rosa said and reached over to pat her arm.

Amy winced as tears welled up in her eyes. “Everything hurts. Sorry.”

* * *

Four weeks later, once Amy had gone a whole day and puked only ten times instead of the usual 20-40 times, she was discharged from the hospital. They had taken out her PICC line and she had started taking oral Zofran.

Karen helped her pack her things and Gina brought the car around.

“I’ll be fine, Karen,” Amy said. “Really, you should go home. You’ve sacrificed enough time this month.”

“I don’t know,” she responded. “It’s your first day out. Are you sure?”

“I’m sure,” Amy said. They got into the car and she told Gina, “We’re dropping Karen off.”

Once Karen was dropped off, Amy told Gina. “We’re going to work, Gina.”

“Work? Amy, you just got discharge from a month long stay in the hospital.”

“And soon I’m going to be billed for that month long stay,” Amy told her, glaring. “And I haven’t been working. Money doesn’t grow on trees and disability doesn’t cover it!”

“You’ve thrown up three times in my car.”

Amy raised an eyebrow. “Because you’re a terrible driver!”

“Excuse me?”

“You heard - Gina, there’s a -!”

Gina slammed on the breaks. Amy threw up.

“Oh, no. Are you okay?”

Amy felt her belly. “I don’t know. I think so. I was wearing my seatbelt how the  _Expecting Mother_  magazine said to so it wouldn’t push against the baby. I think it’s okay.”

“I’m taking you back to the hospital.”

* * *

“Detective Santiago!” Holt said. “You’re here.”

Amy threw her bag down and huffed. “We would’ve been here earlier if Gina would’ve just listened to me when I told her I’m okay.”

“Oh, okay, listen up, preggers,” Gina said, getting in Amy’s face. “You are carrying my dead best friend’s baby. If Jake were here he would’ve done the same thing. I am not going to be the reason you lose this baby, you hear me? I didn’t even care to remember your name until, like, a year after you and Jake started dating.”

“Gina, you knew her for, like, five years before that,” Rosa said.

Gina held out her hands and flicked her head. “My point exactly.” She turned back to Amy. “Jake was my best friend, and now I’m stuck with you. I care about you, Amy, and if you were thinking rationally, you would’ve demanded that I take you back to that hospital.”

Amy’s eyes burned listening to Gina and realizing she was right. “You’re right, Gina. Thank you. For everything.” Before Amy could start crying, Gina ruined the moment.

“Okay!” Gina stood up and held out an envelope. “Who wants to know what Amy’s having?”

“What?” Amy demanded. “When? Where?”

“While you were busy fuming over being back in the hospital, the nurse asked if you wanted to know your baby’s gender.”

The others crowded around Amy’s desk. Terry said, “This is exciting news but we should only open it if Amy wants to.” He looked at her hopefully.

Charles was bouncing up and down on his toes, hands squeezed together in front of his chest.

“Amy?” Rosa said.

“Okay, fine,” she said. “If I find out now, then I only have to make seven binders right now instead of ten.” She paused, conflicted. “But maybe ...”

“It’s a dinosaur.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for your comments, your kudos, and your patience. You all are the best!

**Author's Note:**

> I have more written. I just didn't know if anyone would want to read it. Let me know!


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